Love Note #7: F.E.A.R. - Villain or Messenger
Hello Beloved,
When faced with things that scare me, most often my approach is to turn toward them – to shine the flashlight on the monster under the bed.
However, there are some exceptions …and one HUGE one is dental work
Since 2004 I’ve been literally terrified of going to the dentist, let me explain…
I don’t think it'd be exaggerating by saying its actually dental trauma.
In 2020, when I finally got myself into a chair after so many years –
the clinical white office,
the heavy vest they make you wear to take x-rays,
that slurpy sound of suction,
and the zoom of the foot pedal operated drill…
As I sat there waiting - I could feel my heart racing and the perspiration breaking through my skin pores because of my rising body temperature.
When the hygienist walked into the room, I burst into tears – and in case you don’t know this about me…that is not a common scene for me.
The depth of how activated I was surprised me but it shouldn’t have.
I’ve had A LOT of dental work done. Starting as a child I’ve had teeth ankylose teeth extracted, wisdom teeth removed, plus an extra one – I forget why..
I had braces for two years as a teenager - then again as an adult. The second time was accompanied by jaw surgery where my jaw was wired shut for 6 weeks and it took 3 months to heal.
That was in 2004. My dental care after that time has been spotty at best – negligent is more accurate.
So sitting in that dental chair as the kind-eyed hygienist approached me – I shouldn’t have been surprised that I totally lost my shit.
It would not have worked if someone told me to “think positive” or “don't worry, it'll be fine” and rushing me to “push through it”.
I needed an approach that met me where I was because on a scale of 1-10, I was at a 25.
To rush over the involuntary tremors of my body and its messages of my emotions is to abandon myself and I've learned that being embodied means that I don't negate, dismiss or otherwise villainize its needs and expressions.
So what DO we do then?
When we find ourselves facing something with a flood of emotion or sensation – of any type, if it's more than you can stay conscious for…Slow it down.
First, we can compassionately accept our emotions - all of them. Unacknowledged emotions don't disappear when we ignore them, they become repressed and show up later - just like my flood of tears in the dentist chair.
Next, get clear about your needs - physical and emotional.
I decided to go to a dental clinic I'd heard good things about. It is a teaching clinic where there is teaching alongside treatment and care. It takes longer and things are a lot slower – but that was perfect for me.
(shout out to the UCLA dental clinic – Drs. Mina, Damien & Lobo! My new BFFs)
This allowed the perfect environment for me to ask for help and what I need, while staying present.
I think it takes a certain kind of courage to face what you're afraid of.
To find your way in and through it
To befriend the fear, to move with it
Within the very word is the way to work with it…
Feel the Emotion, Allow time for a Response.
It's been a journey to unwind my fear of the dentist. It's ongoing so I can't tie it up in a tidy bow, but I can report that my gums are now in great shape.
And I will, for the third time in my life have an orthodontic treatment....but this time it's from a totally different place.
Where is life asking for you to adjust the pace – slower or faster?
Maybe you need to slow down because you are missing the details or repressing your emotions or overriding your intuition.
Or maybe you need to speed things up because you are getting lost in the fog of indecision, inertia or inaction.
This week I invite you to gently and Observe Yourself (link) and play with the pace of things.
And as always…
Let Love lead the way,
Angela